the Oldmobile Cutlass is passé

April 28, 2008 at 6:44 pm (Uncategorized)

especially when it’s a 1984…yeah, I know the models.  Because back in the 80’s the Cutlass was a cool car…but almost 25 years later, it’s nothing but a piece of shit gas guzzler that Mr. Oh-I-think-I-am-cool was driving today.

I managed to be doing about 43 in a 40 mph zone…and in the right lane, no less.  And there was some sort of panel van (maybe an HVAC business or something) doing about 40 in the left lane.  And Mr. Cutlass himself was in that left lane…and decided it was time to floor it and pass the HVAC van on the right…meaning he’d have to get between me and the van.  Only thing is, there really wasn’t enough room.  But he went for it.  Asswipe.  Fucktard.  Because the HVAC van?  Well, he was making a left turn…so he slowed down…and there’s no left turn lane either.  Because Mr. Cutlass was on my driver’s side, and that’s the side that Four was sitting on, I had to lock up the brakes (thankfully, there was NOTHING behind me, or THAT would have been a BAD deal) in order to protect my progeny, you know?

And he proceeds to jack back into the left lane…only to pull into the left turn lane at the next light…which was red….and got stuck behind a school bus.  Good going…fucktard.  Next time you want to almost kill 2 people (or more, because honestly, he’d have hit the HVAC guy too…) go do it somewhere else…don’t mess with the minivan mama from hell. Ass.

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ah…forgotten blog…

April 23, 2008 at 3:04 pm (Uncategorized)

I’m so sorry for you, little blog.
But I am here, and I am rip-rarin’ ready to go.

This one’s about the lady who nearly drove me off the road.

Uh…sweety?  First off…it’s a 4 lane road…2 in each direction.  I understand that your mom’s driving, and it’s obvious her eyesight’s not the best.  And I KNOW it’s hard to see those white lines, when they paint them on concrete and don’t “shadow” them with black for easier visibility.  But again, it’s a FOUR LANE ROAD.  NO SHOULDER, JUST HARD CURB.  And I am in the RIGHT LANE, really close to those curbs, ‘mmmm-kay?

So, when mama drifts into my lane, VISIBLY over the white line, and I have NO PLACE to go because of the damned curb…well, I’m GOING to lay on the horn.  Because that’s what it is there for…to warn yo’ mamma that sum-sumfin’ bad’s gonna happen if she drifts much further.  I have a van, you don’t.

I honked the horn, of course, then muttered under my breath about people not staying in their lanes.  Oh, did I mention I had both my kiddos in the car?  Four was on the driver’s side middle seat, and Seven was in the passenger side middle seat.  So….I continue to drive, having passed mamma and her GROWN-UP daughter in the car.

A minute or so later, the car passes me, or tries…then falls behind again (due to traffic).  Seven pipes up…”mommy, that lady just gave you the finger.”  SHE WHAT?  Oh, no, she DI-INT!

I slow up enough to catch her at the light and roll my window down to tell her I’d prefer she not give me the bird with kids in my car.  Daughter screams at me in true fashion, just as I would have expected from someone of her ilk…someone who can’t own up to a fault or failure but must ALWAYS be right, no matter who or what she wrongs.  She curses and tells me I need to learn to drive?  ME?  If I’m not mistaken it was Yo’ Mamma that done drove up in my shit, bi-atch.  Scream and yell…all I kept saying was that I had kids in the car and she should not flip people off when there are kids (and while my windows are tinted, you CAN see there are kids in there, particularly when the sun is coming from the opposite side, highlighting their little silhouettes).

Well, of course, mamma didn’t do a damned thing either, just let her big yapped, plastic-haired passenger jack her flappity-flappin’ jaws at me.  Figures.  Apple don’t fall far from the tree, does it?

I just kept driving on, headed to my destination.  I admonished my children, loudly and repetitively, to NOT do that to people (flip them off, that is) because it’s rude and disrespectful and just downright ugly and unintelligent.  I told them that they need to use words (proper, not cuss) and speak intelligently.  Of course, the next day, Four decided to try out this new skill.  I told Four to stop being noisy, and Four promptly put up BOTH middle fingers to me and said, “no, YOU stop”.  OUCH.  I told Four to NEVER do that again, and reiterated the previous day’s lesson about rudeness and disrespect.  Something I didn’t think I’d have to explain to a 4 year old.

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IOTD – Monday’s idiot

December 17, 2007 at 12:26 pm (Uncategorized)

Lil miss ARIZONA plates in front of me.  Traffic’s moving nicely and we get to a traffic light.  She stops, I stop.  The light turns green.  She starts moving, slowly.  Then I see it – the cell phone in her right hand – held to shoulder level – quite obvious she’s either reading or trying to dial.  And traffic is backing up behind me, and horns are honking.  I add my little toot-toot to the cacophony.  She looks up at me, and I make the universal sign for phone, and signal a HANG UP BIOTCH!  She had the audacity to flip me off…and several other cars who passed her and did the same.  She continued to drive 20 in a 45 zone.  As luck would have it, I could not find a space to pass her, and oh by gosh, by golly, she was headed the SAME WAY I WAS.  I think she got scared.  You see, I live close to a commercial area with several popular eateries.  I have to go through this area to get to my street…and she headed right to one of them.  I think she thought I was following her…when in actuality, I was just going home.  Maybe she’ll think twice before flipping someone off, since you NEVER know what can happen, LOL!!!

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Idiot of the Day – Catch Up Edition

December 17, 2007 at 12:22 pm (Uncategorized)

I’ve had lots of things going on, and thus, I’ve missed several IOTD in a row. Sorry ’bout that…will try to do much better next time!

On Tuesday (12/11), there were no IOTD’s…not that I know of anyway, because we had an ice storm roll through. *I* was not on the road to witness any tomfoolery!

On Wednesday (12/12), I had the misfortune of having to be on the roads. I had to make a trip to the Big City a few hours away to get to the airport and pick up family members who were coming to visit. It was a good blessing that travel was not all jacked up, and they made it just fine. But the IOTD was the SHERIFF….the roads were clear, though a bit slushy. I was driving well below the 70 MPH posted limit (I was doing 55 and wasn’t even comfortable with that at times!). Here comes the PRAIRIE SHERIFF…he flies up behind me…tailgates (no doubt doing a hits and wants on my tags), then proceeds to pass me. He cuts in JUST A WEE BIT TOO CLOSE, causing me to have to brake or get clipped. There is a CAR in front of me, and there REALLY isn’t enough room for Mr. Sheriff, since, TO ME, enough room would indicate that there are more than 2 car lengths between me and the other car…you know…safe travel distance and all that.

Of course, I’m also deluged with flying slush and ice, because said SHERIFF chose to NOT clear the ice off his car and chips came a’flyin’! Oh…but it gets better. He then tailgates the next guy (but not nearly long enough for wants and warrants) and proceeds to pass HIM (or her, can’t tell from the back, you know). And of course…he then cuts quickly to the right to get off the upcoming exit. Yeah. Way to go, guy. RISK the lives of others so you can get off that exit – the roads are ICY, IDIOT!

IOTD – Thursday 12/13

ACTUALLY, there were none. Because of the ice storm, many of the traffic lights were out in my community. I want to give BEAUCOUP KUDOS to my fellow Oz-ites…they all treated the intersections as 4-way stops. They gave leeway to others by staying clear and not tailgating. They were courteous and kind.

IOTD – Friday 12/14

Again, nothing remarkable – I didn’t really spend much time on the road, and when I did, I had lots of family in the car, so I was trying to be nice.

IOTD – Saturday 12/15

FED-EX Tandem truck drivers. On Friday evening, the snow started. It was still snowing the following morning. And unfortunately, my family was leaving. This meant yet another trip to the BIG CITY airport. We left earlier than we usually would, since the snow was a factor. Apparently, the Fed-up-yours, Fed-ex drivers didn’t care. They passed us doing well over 70, the posted limit. I was doing 60 at the best of times. When they would pass, it was like a WHITE OUT. I couldn’t see the road for all the swirling snow. I thought for sure my family would fall apart. It was SCARY. Like “crap your pants” scary! And it happened not ONCE, but TWICE. Asswipes.

And then there was the MYSTATE DOT. They chose to ride side by side on a two lane highway, backing traffic up for miles until we reached the toll road. Thankfully, we were only a few cars behind the salt/sand/plow trucks. Now, I know…they NEED to be out there. But they don’t need to be parallel…they could have caused serious problems, because traffic back up around sharp curves where visibility was VERY low. Oh well…we survived.

There were no IOTD sightings on Sunday, because I did not leave my house.

So there you have the recap of the week. Today’s IOTD posted next!

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Idiot of the Day – grand premiere!

December 10, 2007 at 6:24 pm (Uncategorized)

I’ve had it….just completely had it with the idiots that are granted driving licenses every doggone day of this life. And so, I’m starting this blog…to tell you about the stupid people in my little corner of the world. And believe me, there are a LOT of them. I’m only going to target the stupid, idiotic DRIVERS…I’m sure there are many other categories out there that I could fill PAGES about. But drivers…they are my SUPER PET PEEVE.

S0 – with no further fanfare, I present IDIOT OF THE DAY:

Man in the red pickup truck. Y’ain’t purty, that’s for sure. Your bigger than big POS Ford 750 (or whatever happens to be the biggest of big Ford trucks lately) with rear duallys (yeah, I know what they are!) and kingkab filled with JUNK (including you and your buddies). When I honked my horn at you, it was a warning. Because YOU. WERE. DRIFTING. INTO. MY. LANE. Ass….

I tooted my pathetic little “sounds like it belongs on a Yugo” horn (the dealership insists that my horn is JUST fine), only to let you know that you were about to drive ME into oncoming traffic with your big piece of crap. And then I picked up my phone, fully intending to report you as a hazardous driver (did I mention it’s icy and cruddy out right now? And every other person in this city has decided they need to get to Dillon’s for icemelt, milk and bottled water because we’re expecting 1 to 2 inches of falling ICE tonight?) And it was LUNCHTIME, so I was facing even more traffic than I liked.

Just minding my business, chatting to my precious cargo in the back (no, not the groceries!). And you found it in your heart to roll down you window and give me the universal sign for telephone – and then hollered at me about hanging up and driving (REMEMBER FOLKS: I picked up the phone AFTER I honked at him). Well, I dropped my window and told you I was calling 911 on your stupid fat, ugly ass. You took off like a bat out of hell, but I was able to see that you turned into Dairy Queen (add a few more pounds to that ugly fat mug, jerk!) and that’s what I told the cops. Hope you like your little present!!!

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So there you have it – my first rant on my new blog. If I don’t manage to make it outside on any given day, I’ll regale you with past stories of my driving escapades. Cuz I have a LOT of them.

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